So hot, me next

Illustration: Space Pup Silver

Often, perusing all manner of smut and tantalising materials, I see a sentiment often echoed in the replies to these photos and videos:

So hot, me next

When I see comments like this, I often mentally pair it with a sentiment I often see in people in our scene who feel shafted or excluded from play activities. "I'm not like (name), it's not fair, I deserve fun too". I get this, because that was me too at one point. There's a sense that if you don't have an innate 'pass', namely a great body, ideal characteristics, youth – you are not invited and are relegated to merely watch and stay quiet.

This isn't the case though. Having met many of these players over time, it became clear that one's physical characteristics are not often the primary driver. Indeed, some of the hottest guys can be the most boring and unsatisfying to partner with in a scene.

The very best players educate themselves in their interest space, make some kind of investment on their end (namely, gear, practice, self-experience) and it is in fact a co-partnership that drives a great scene. The gimp strapped to the chair is not merely sitting there as the next in line to be milked – they are engaged in the unspoken ritual of the scene, they are willing to test their limits, and actively surrender. What you don't see is everything around that moment. They may have co-invested in the fancy gear, brought new ideas to the table, deferred their orgasm for this moment, and developed a great rapport with their play partner. Indeed, there are simply cases where money is the driver, but this is not as common as you might think.

Your favourite Doms or Controllers do not exist as delivery mechanisms. They have their own desires and challenges, and are connecting best with people who align with that and express an interest beyond an orgasm. The concept of 'me next' suggests some kind of conveyor belt where when one guy is finished, the next in line hops in. Now I'm getting excited by that for other reasons, but...! It's important to remember that under the rubber, outside of the playroom – these people need something from you too.

You get back the energy you give. The people that are creating and engaging in these scenes are co-partners. Rarely do these scenes work because "me next" stepped next in line to receive that energy passively. You have a right to play and be loved, but you don't have a right to demand someone play with you. The connection has to be mutual, and not everybody is going to like you.

If you don't hit it off with someone, that's okay – treat it as a learning experience and work on what makes you attractive as a potential playmate. Sometimes that improvement can merely be respecting that we're all human, and that approaching someone like a vending machine may not yield the desired response.

At the end of the day, if you take this seriously and really do want to be next, plan out how that'll happen – and it could be you! If it could be me, it definitely can be you....

Thanks Space Pup Silver for kindly sharing an illustration! Please support the fetish artists of our time. Tom of Finland will manage.

Add a comment

Comments