Don't Wait

No social near you? Pick a cafe, set a reliable date and turn up. It might be just you, but you've opened the door. Bring a friend for support, promote it online. Someone will come. Now you're building your audience. In Dublin, Out in Kink grew from a casual group that met at bars and had picnics. Now the attendance is 300+ strong in an established venue. It won't happen without that single person willing to open the door.

Frustrated that there aren't players in your space? Be the player. Go online and learn. It's not a perfect substitute for in person learning but you can get the basics from books and online resources, of which there are many. Ask people online, be open to suggestions. Become the person that inspires people to learn and play more themselves. Yes, that might involve playing the service Dom role even if you're a sub, but I don't believe roles are truly ever fixed, anyway.

Can't find a venue for your play event? I hear you. There is always a way if you are willing to suffer some heartache along the way. Find a private park or forest. Find a friend with a free house. Set up something small and localised, it doesn't have to be at a commercial venue to initially succeed. Make connections with spaces. Be brave and ask. The worst they can say is no, or cite the dreaded insurance concern (I don't have a solution for this one, yet).

Can't afford the gear? Yes you can, you just might not be approaching it the right way. Hardware stores are a veritable source of makeshift SM props. There are flea markets online and offline. Everyday wear can be repurposed as fetish – workwear, army surplus gear, medical equipment. You can make it work.

So, you live rurally or in a place where it's unsafe to do any of the above. I understand and empathise. There is still plenty of capacity to explore anonymously and online in the meantime, and almost always somewhere you can travel to. It's not always going to be easy, but there's always a way to make it happen, bit by bit.

You can make it work. It's not always easy and starting is the hardest part. It takes bravery and a touch of delusion, and some bumps along the way as you make mistakes and learn lessons. The people who succeed are those that try and fail, rather than list their lacking qualities.